All or Nothing . . .

You make me breakfast in bed

When I'm mixed up in my head

You wake me with a kiss

I could get used to this

You think I look the best

When my hair is a mess

I can't believe you exist

I could get used to this

Because I know you're too good to be true

I must have done something good to meet you

'Cause you wrote my name across your hand

When I freak you understand

There is not a thing you miss

And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me

With you it all comes naturally

Lost the reflex to resist

And I could get used to this

You love the songs I write

You like the movies I like

There must be some kind of twist

But I could get used to this

Because you listen to me when I'm depressed

It doesn't seem to make you like me less

'Cause you wrote my name across your hand

When I freak you understand

There is not a thing you miss

And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me

With you it all comes naturally

Lost the reflex to resist

And I could get used to this

If there's a dark side to you I haven't seen it

Every good thing you do feels like you mean it . . .

- I Could Get Used To This, by The Veronica's

Jenn . . . You have a loving, growing relationship.. but you act like it's almost not real.. and there's not a lot of hope in it.... but I guess, considering your past...... maybe, that's just who you are right now. It makes me a little sad.
Dylon Rylee . . . Thats a very accurate description... lol and im sorry it makes you sad. The thing is, I really do like him. And I could see this going somewhere. . . I really really want it to. He's great and cuddly, and he thinks its adorable that i love mokona and anime and i think his dorkyness is amazing. . . I'm just really scared im gonna do something to screw it up. And I know that Its not my fault the last couple relationships failed, but its like I dont believe that someone I like so much, could like me. But he does. And his ex scares me! lol like really, it was so awkward when I was cuddling him last night at eleven and she called, and he got all tense and upset with her, which is a good sign, but it was still just weird... And she keeps calling him and texting him and telling him she's moved on, and I can tell it bothers him that she keeps rubbing it in his face. I just dont wanna get attached to someone just to get hurt. And I just wish I could get up the courage to tell him all these things! But everytime I do, I cant get ahold of him..

Another Sleepless Night

'You got your boys and got gone,

And left us all alone.

Now she in the club with a freaky dress on,
Cats don't want her to keep that dress on,
Trying to get enough drinks in her system,
Take it to the tele and make her a victim,
Easy for a good girl to go bad,
And once we gone best believe we've gone forever,
Don't be the reason (Don't be the reason),

You better learn how to treat us right,

Cause onces a good girl goes bad,
And now I'm finding numbers in the jacket pockets

Chicks calling the house, non stop,

Its Getting out of control.

Finally I can't take no more,

He finds a letter on the stairs, saying this is the end...'

- Good Girl Gone Bad, by Rihanna

I think i'm completely disalusioned to the idea of happily ever after . . . These past couple weeks have been really hard on me in the trust and loyalty department. Between people I thought were friends, doing things they know it will hurt me , to hearing how my uncle, the nicest guy on earth, was left by his wife after twenty odd years of marriage, its just got me wondering, is there really ever a happy ending, or are we just fooling ourselves? Why is it that the nicest people in the world, are the ones who get screwed over the most?

Worst Situation . . . EVER

How do you comfort someone when you dont wanna hear about it? How do you tell your friend that hearing about intimate details and sappy messages makes you wanna vomit? Why is it when you say something regarding the subject, its awkward, but you have to hear bout it all the time?
So, what do you do when your stuck in a messy, annoying, painful triangle, the likes of which you've never seen before? I am SO frusterated its not even funny! Stuck in three roles at once, I just wanna scream, 'shoot me now!' okay okay, not that extreme but still...
Just recently, one of my new friends started dating my ex.
Anyways, lately i've been seeing the same patern that he did to me. Be really charming, cute and affectionate. Visit/call/text all the time. Slowly get busier, not texting as much, not calling as much, has trouble making time to see you when you drive down to see him. Death of a close friend/relative (yes i know that this isnt usually a part of a 'pattern' but when it happens repeatedly and in the right spots.... come on ppl). Then when you get mad at him, he acts all sweet and you cant be mad. cant STAY mad...
As friend to his new gf i just wanna scream 'hurt me all you want, but dont, and i mean DONT, fcuk with my friends!'
As the ex, I dont wanna hear about the whole situation. the sappy lovey dovey ness (esp when said friend KNEW i still was crushing on ex...) the plans, the bad times... I dont wanna fix this! I dont like spending MY birthday weekend trying to make my ex's new gf feel better cause he ditched off and is being a jerk, when she wouldnt listen to my warnings. This whole thing is fresh for me and the repeat is like deja vu. (read my previous posts, you'll hear me say some of the same things) It brings up bad feelings and hurt. IM NOT A COUNCELLOR.... leave me alone.
. . . what can i do? . . . what can i say when she's in tears, and im saying maybe he has a valide excuse. maybe he really is just busy... maybe... maybe... I dont know. Inside im screaming 'he's an ass! i warned you! this is hurting me! why do i have to be the best friend and put everyonees feelings and probs above mine?? Im NOT jane! dont make me hear this all....
Hearing the problem being looked at in an impracticle and overly damatized way doesnt help either... its like, whats with all the we'll never get to see eachother. and the drama woe is me. i understand being upset but ... but... err....