The Simple Things

Its amazing how all the little things can really make your day, and Im left wondering, what all do we miss out on by being insecure and worrying?
Listening to Theory of a Deadman on full volume at 9:33 am in the morning, watching Mike try to fight off his hangover by drinking a couple more 'sners, waiting for morning coffee direct from the Lloyd Timmy Hoes, and drooling over the prospect of bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, toast, and sausage after 24 hours of only a few bites of food. (like i'm gonna ask for food at someones house!)
The stories one hear's in the morning are pretty interesting too. Jack went to bed relatively early, before Premonition was even over, and her and Peyton passed out in Mike's bed, where as Willey was half ass asleep on his bed behind the couch, while Mike, Steph, 'Mom' and 'Dad' were upstairs. I passed out on the couch watching the opening screen on the movie about 10 times before wandering upstairs to see where everyone/the blankets were. With no one insight, I went back downstairs and layed on the couch, no blanket, no pillow, just me (for which I got laughed at the next morning. Supposedly theirs tons of blankets around, and my being to shy to go bug anyone for one was funny xP atleast to Mike. Steph just shook her head and made a comment about Mike's poor hospitality skills). Apparently, none of our nights ended there.
Around 4 in the morning I awoke to Mike and Steph talking upstairs, and after passing out again, Mike apparently came down stairs to get some more 'sner. Story has it I looked at him with closed eyes as he asked what I was up to, and I refused to answer, just look in his general direction. Creepy...so he asked if I was gonna join them for a drink and I just kept looking in his general direction, no words uttered, before rolling over and facing the couch. The poor drunken boy didn't know what to make of me! (I was asleep so I claim no responsibility...hehe)
I wasn't the only one being anti social either, Jack was deciding to steal all the blankets and after several attempts to get them back, Mike just gave up. All this lead up and contributed to my awsome morning.
Peyton was the first to wake up with an amazingly sunny dispossition, and I woke up an hour later with Jackie on the foot of the couch, staring at me. Then we spent awhile trying to figure out how to wake Mike up, and we decided to walk towards him with Peyton and see if that helped. Not even 3 steps ouside the door, and he was up and talking. From there, Mom and Dad woke up, Willy started to revive, and Steph came downstairs. Theory of a Deadman was put into the Xbox 360, and stories of the night before, camping and cuddling, and dwi classes ensued. It was seriously the most fun I'd had in awhile. No inhibitions, just talking and having fun. It was nice... And to think, I had felt almost awkward at the idead of being here the day before.
It really is amazing how we find friends in the places we never thought to look, and how just being around them, can make a world of difference.
October 14th, 2007

No Longer In Love... <3

''I am so not in love!''
That's what I was thinking as I drove down the road, on the first night off I'd had for a week. Don't think I mean that I don't love my friends or my family, because I do! But for the first time in a long time, I wasnt feeling that all-or-nothing, can't-live-without-him, feeling. And that, feels good!
I know this goes against some thing's previously stated by me, and the ideals of most teenage girls, but it was just nice to feel like I didnt need to be with someone to be someone. In today's society, why do we allow our happiness to rest on the shoulders of others?
For some odd reason driving aimlessly and listening to the One Tree Hill soundtrack, was making me feel nostalgic. I can remember the way I felt when I first heard Eric say 'I love you,' that night at Christina's house, and I remember how great it was, how special it made me feel. I remember coming home with new stories to tell Mayzin, and talking on the phone for hours, till 2, 3, of 4am.
I also remember how stupid I felt when those feelings of safety and belonging were torn away.
I've learned in the past that you can't trust men, or even if you think you can, you'll have to be careful. And so feeling like Im perfectly capable of taking care of myself, is great. I still think it'd be nice to have someone to come home to that cares about how your feeling, that knows all your flaws and loves you more because of it, but the fact that Im not connected to anyone, and thus can't get hurt, makes me feel a little less stressed.
Example one of why I dont trust or understand guys: After Eric got Ash to break up with me, we didnt talk for almost a year, understandably. But when we got over whatever it was that made us stop talking in the first place, and I tried talking to him again, he wouldnt talk to me...unless he didnt know it was me. Now here we are, talking again, and I'm startting to get really annoyed with the insults, sarcasm, and general emotional wear down. I keep telling myself he's just joking and he doesnt mean to make me feel like shit all the time, but after talking to Chris and hearing how he's NEVER an ass to her, I dont know what makes him think he can treat me like shit. I also feel like I'm being used, as a ride to get Chris out there. I wouldnt mind, if maybe he was ever nice, or even semi-nice, almost supportive, and occasionally friend-like.
So you'll understand if I have trouble believeing that someone who seems nice is like that, which is what makes Jesse being so nice, weird. a) not used to guys being nice unless they want something. b) not used to guys being nice in general. Its also why I wish I knew what was really going through Jesse's mind, so I could stop thinking, before I start feeling something. (inside I know that we'll probably always be good friends and that's it, but ever since I started talking to him I've had a slight crush on him, I couldnt help it!)
Anyways, the point of this whole story is that being alone can be good sometimes. Its nice to be able to rely on yourself, and know that you don't need a man to make you happy. If we were all strong enough to rely on ourselves, would the need for the oppisite sex be obsolete?

What Constitues a Date?

What do we do when a good friendship goes to the next level? When you meet up with someone, and your not sure if the date/encounter/hanging out, went well, or whether it was pitty perfect.

I've been friends with Jess for a couple months tho, and he's been a really great friend, always there for me when i was having problems with my ex, and I was there for him when he needed it. He's always really funny and sweet. And today, we were both bored, so I suggested hanging out. So I decided to get ready, and head out to Nipawin. When i got there, Jess hadn't arrived yet, so I waited and worried for a couple minutes, about if I looked alright, what we would do, what this whole thing was. So many questions we're running through my head, so many different scenario's; and none of them were making me feel any beter. Once he got there, we introduced ourselves, and tried to decided what we wanted to do. Then he asked if i was hungry. (point one for it being a date)

Since, in my hurry to get ready and look okay, a task which took longer then intended, I had forgoten to eaten anything, so food was sounding pretty damn good. Enter the question, do I really want to eat infront of someone (aka. a cute guy) that I just met. Against my better judgement I asked where was good food, and he said venice house was the best, so we went. Of course, we get there and I realized that i'd forgotten my wallet in my car... Instead of going back for it, Jess volunteered to pay for it, and when I said I'd pay him back as soon as I got to the car, but he told me it was the least he could do and not to worry about it. (point two for being a date)

It was durring supper that things got kind o awkward, atleast in my books... Before I left Jackie's house to head to Nipawin, I was saying how his last name was familiar, how it would be funny if I was related to him. He may not have been my relative, but he sure was someones! You see, we were talking about our families, and he mentioned a cousin in the town my mother grew up in. Turns out, his cousin was one of my best friends, whom everyone confuses for my sister. To me, the idea this guy, a new friend of mine, was my other friends cousin. More nervous thoughts started to fill my head. What if he had a bad time and talked to Robin about it? What if she got mad at me and talked to him about me? All the questions were driving me crazy when another one came into my head; can our fear of not being perfect, keep us from missing the perfect moment?
After supper I asked what he wanted to do next, and he said we could either go for ice cream or something. I asked If we had time to start a movie, and after long consideration, he said we didnt have time, but there wasn't much else to do. (point one for a hanging out, and now I wasn't sure if it had even gone well on that note!) I suggested he could go to sleep, and we could hang out another time and he agreed. Strike two. But then, something I didnt expect happened, when we started driving it wasn't towards my car. Instead,

x. (side note from Peyton: 1Q~ 1 1qaW 32WZEDAFDFDDDDDDDD)

we ended up driving around Nipawin for the next hour and a half, seeing all the different spots, the train bridge, the dam, the park, and trying to determine if it was indeed bigger then home. The confusing part was that I was expecting to be droven to my car, instead, we drove straight past my car; 3 times. (point three for being a date) I guess if he'd had a bad time, he woulda dropped me off...right?

Later that night, once I got him, I got a IM asking if I'd gotten home alright. I replyed yes, although I was pretty tired, and he appoligized for keeping me out so late and driving around so long. Since then, I keep letting him say hi first, and he has.

- - - 5 days later - - -
After re-reading everything I wrote, I've come to anther conclusion. Women over think. Or atleast, I do. But no matter how much I think, the answers won't come to me. And so I'm wondering, what constitutes a date these days? And who is dateable? Where are the boundries? And, is dating a friends cousin to close for comfort??

[Aside: x. Peyton is my friend Jackie's 5 month old baby, and she wanted to write something for ya'll!]