And I Miss You...

'We were made for each other

Out here forever, I know that we were, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah'

-When Your Gone, Avril Lavigne

I know I'm not the only person to think, 'what if I just let my soul mate slip through my fingers?'. But I think that there might be more then one soul mate per person. Or maybe even a different kind? For instance, I'll always have a special place in my heart for my ex, the first person I said 'I love you' to and had it mean something more. Circumstances broke us up once, and somehow we managed to get back together for a couple months. But sometimes fate is cruel, and things happen, and now i've been wondering if I just lost the person I was meant to be with...

Since then I've met some amazing guys, who have treated me like royalty (and some who treated me like crap) and still I always think of my ex. Is that really fair to my current boyfriend? Or my future ones? Its not like I dont care about them, I do! But I'll always ca re for Mayz too. And even if it's just in the back of my mind, I cant help but wonder... What if?

I know that If my boyfriend told me he felt like that about an ex, I would probably feel horrible, so the fact that I've been thinking this way drives me crazy. I KNOW there is no future for me and my ex tho, so thats why I feel I can move on. But is it possible to move on and still have those feelings?? Someone tell me!

My current boyfriend is amazing tho, he's a real doll. Totally c0mmited, would do anything to make me smile, full of compliments, loves to be around, he's awsome. Of course there are things we dont agree on, like he would pick up and come visit me on the drop of a hat (he lives a couple hours away) and i usually have plans so I cant do that as often. Or Sometimes he'll act all cute and sad when I have to leave, which makes me smile, or sometimes it makes me want to strangle him for making me feel bad for leaving! xP). Im also just not used to being treated so well, so sometimes I catch myself thinking 'why am I so special?? Dont do that for me! I dont deserve it!!' But no matter what, he's a great guy. So what I'm saying is he's awsome to, and maybe we are meant to last for a long time... you never know! The point, I know he respects and values me. And thats what matters.

Isnt it?

Roomies...Not So Homey...

So, someone explain to me how people you've known forever, that you feel so close too, can let something stupid ruin the friendship. Why do I always have to be the one to apologize, to be wrong? Everything from not being clean enough, to wanting to pay rent on time, everything is a problem. So explain to me, how if I'm only around on weekends, I get into trouble for not cleaning the house and everyone else's mess? Also, explain to me whats so wrong about wanting to put rent into a room mates account to make rent on time (since you wont be there the day its due). These things arent that big of a deal, so why do people freak out? Friends are more important than discomfort or slight annoyances. Snarky comments and rude remarks dont help anything... I thought moving out was supposed to be a good experience, not a reason to jump off a building. This is when I thank the stars that I have friends houses to crash at. The insane thing is.... Im paying almost 300 dollars to sleep in a room. Go Fuck'in Figure.