Everything Changes

Its amazing how fast things change...one minute you can have your whole life infront of you, and the next its ripped away from you. To have hopes, plans, dreams, and to know exactly where your going, and then end up having no clue what the next day will bring.

Im not sure what got me thinking of all of this today; maybe its that its September 11th, and I cant help but think of all the innocent people with so much potential, that died senselessly. Or maybe, its just that after this summer, the feeling of being without direction is overwhelming.

When I started in July, I had a new apartment, close to the university, in a city I love, with two of my best friends. I was going to university in the fall, I was going to start planning my career, save up money, and travel. I wanted to get my cultural anthropology degree, and volunteer with Amnesty International.

Now, Im back at home, with less friends than I had when I started, and the friends I do have are far away. I have absolutly no clue where to go from here. Im working a temperary job until November, about 5000 in debt, living at home with my parents, and no car for the moment. Im caught between the choice of moving to Ontario and a whole new start in spring, or to Macklin with Jor and Ryon. The only problem with the last option is that Im scared to get close to them again. I dont want to pick up and move with them, just to get dropped like a sickness with no explanation.

Dont get me wrong, good things have happened, but that helpless feeling is still there.

[Guys will come and go, but friends will always stay -not-]

They say you should never put a guy before your friends, and I used to believe it. But from the way things are looking, Im starting to think that guys are more reliable than girls are. Im sick of having to worry about cat fights, vindictive comments, and plots to ruin another persons life. Guys may be violent, but girls are just bitches some times! Its funny, but when Im having a horrible day and I need someone to talk to, the first people I think to call are mayzin, brayden, herman, arne, or jackie. Out of that entire list, one girl. Whats that say?